Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The last 5 days...

Something has happened...something weird and wonderful and bizarre and unexpected. I just got home this morning from a date.

A 5 day long date.

I don't like being unsure of things. It's a weird little quirk of mine. I tend to be much more comfortable in general when I know what's going to happen and when it's going to happen. Perhaps it's the control freak in me...I don't know. That's an analyzing for another day. The point is, I just let all of that go for 5 days. I let life come at me and have it's way with me. I relaxed, and I just...lived. And enjoyed. And spent 5 days with this wonderful, kind, thoughtful, considerate person I had just met. Kind of crazy, right? I mean, it all started out somewhat normal. We emailed and texted for a few days. Then we talked on the phone. Then came the safe first date. We met for coffee. It was already obvious we had a connection prior to our first meeting...but wow. Coffee turned into a late dinner which turned into sitting in his car and talking for several hours which turned into "hey, I have a three day weekend, why don't you come home with me because I'm not ready to not be around you yet."

I somewhat reluctantly agreed. Reluctantly only because we had just met. I wasn't ready to not be around him either...but I didn't really know this person. What if he was a serial killer? What if he had a dungeon full of the corpses of other safe first dates who met their untimely ends at his maniacal hands? But honestly, I didn't get a serial killer-y vibe. And I went with my gut. It still felt crazy at first...but it also felt right. So I went with it.

I'm so glad I did. What an amazing first date. We spent the last 5 days getting to know each other, talking about anything and everything, asking hypothetical yet pointed questions (well...he did most of the asking. But I am an open book and I was happy to answer. And then do the cop-out thing and ask him his own questions). I won't bore you with every detail of the last 5 days...not because any of it was boring. We did things that could be considered boring, like going to Walmart (where very important topics such as "do you like butter on your popcorn?" were covered. Seriously though - random shopping at Walmart is a terrific way to get to know someone). But the details, boring or not, are not the point of this particular blog post. And the details, in all their random, boring-but-not-boring glory, are mine. And his.

I suppose the point is the wonderful weirdness of the whole experience. In a matter of days we went from getting to know each other to not being able to get enough of each other. (Minds out of the gutter please kiddies. That's my gutter, thank.you.very.much.). I spent 5 days in his world with him. We did spend a few minutes at my house at one point and I was thrilled for him to get to see a little bit of my world. I wanted to share that with him. But I very definitely was not a resident of my reality for those 5 days. And that's okay. Because really...what is reality? It's what we make of it, right? His world was my reality for that period of time. I never felt like I was escaping anything in my world. I never felt like I was running away. Circumstances just allowed that I be in his world for a few days...and I liked it. And now I miss it. I'm back in my world, and it is what it is and that's okay...but I miss it. Really I think just I miss him.

Rational people who don't do things at warp speed would probably read this and say "Whoa there killer. Slow your roll. What's the rush?" That's the beautiful thing about this to me though. That I have just gone with it. I'm still going with it. I'm going with how I feel. I like how he makes me feel. I like that he makes me happy. I like that it feels right. I like that I want to know everything about him and I want him to know everything about me. I like that even though there is always the possibility that I may hate myself for writing this down and then making it public knowledge I still want to do just that. I don't want to analyze this to death with my trusty over-worked brain. I don't feel the need to put a safe label on it. I want to just keep going with it, in spite of the always real potential for a crash and burn of cataclysmic proportions. Because really, (there's that pesky reality again)...sadly, that is always a possibility with any relationship or friendship, anywhere, anytime. I know that the very act of just writing this down and then making the decision to push that little "PUBLISH POST" button makes me vulnerable. This whole thing has made me vulnerable. Beautifully, openly, terrifyingly vulnerable. But just think...if I hadn't made the decision to be vulnerable I wouldn't have had these amazing last 5 days. I know it's early, I know it's been rushed. But no matter what happens I wouldn't have it any other way. I hopeful and I'm happy and yes, I'm a little scared. Because making yourself vulnerable is scary. But I think it's worth taking a chance.

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