I have heard it said that assumptions are the death of any relationship.
I used to have this friend. She likes to make assumptions. Assumptions about why the friendship ended, how I live my life, how I should live my life, my relationship with my boyfriend, what my boyfriend does with his money…
I find it amusing that this ex-friend of mine (and her cronies) think that they know everything. It appears that she still thinks that the friendship ended because she was “honest” with me and I can’t handle the truth, and that I have no grasp of reality. She (and her cronies) can believe whatever they want. That’s the great thing about free will. But the truth is that honesty had nothing to do with it.
It’s my reality. I’m well aware of my reality. I have no problem with the “truth,” or even someone else’s skewed perception of the truth. What I have a problem with is that so-called “truth” being delivered in a bitchy and judgmental fashion. What I have a problem with is having conditions put on friendship. “Do it my way or don’t do it.” Seriously?!? I don’t treat my friends that way.
I’ve recently realized that it is okay for me to think for myself. That I don’t need anyone’s approval. That I am capable of asking for what I want and making my own decisions. It took ending a really bad marriage, coming to some harsh realizations about my relationship with my mother, and taking a good hard look at a lot (but not all) of my close friendships to come to all of that. But the point is I did have those insights.
I’ve learned a lot lately. I’ve learned that my sister, while loud and wacky, is also fiercely loyal and doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. I’ve learned that some people are just two-faced, bitchy assholes. I’ve learned that if people have to keep reminding the world of how happy they are it makes me wonder who they’re trying to convince. I’ve learned that there are full-fledged Mean Girls all grown up here in the real world, and they use social networking to carry out their agendas.
I can be naïve. Sometimes I care too much, get too involved. And in the majority of my close friendships I have taken the “follower” role. I think there’s probably always some form of an alpha in friendships, but I took it to new heights. I never realized, until recently, that I have for the most part allowed myself to be led around by the nose most of my life.
No more. Take me as I am or watch me as I go.
As always, I am a work in progress. But that’s okay. That’s the point. That’s life. And I’m living it on my terms.
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