Pavlov's Dog

I've been thinking a lot lately about technology. Cell phones, smartphones, tablets, what have you. I went over to the dark side last summer and got an iPhone. I had a teeny little iPod Nano, and I loved it...but I had seen firsthand the wonders of the iPhone and I WANTED ONE. Badly.

So in a fit of impatience and spontaneity, I marched myself into the local Apple store and I got my iPhone. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But...I am somewhat ashamed to admit that it has become an extension of me rather than a gadget meant for talking on the phone and occasional web surfing. Sometimes I feel like I should just go ahead and have it surgically removed from my person. When did we become so plugged in that we stopped being able to just be? I can't relax for two seconds without some sort of technological stimulation. I have literally forgotten how to just...be.

I woke up this morning eager to get started on some much-needed cleaning and organizing around the house. And my first thought was 'gee, I wish I had my teeny little iPod Nano so I could put it in my pocket and put in the earbuds and just listen to some music on full volume.' It kind of made me a little sad. Yes, I realize I can access my iPod from my iPhone, put it in my pocket and put in the earbuds and listen to some music on full volume. But this gadget is my phone, my email, my text messaging, my Facebook, my alarm clock, my distraction, my holder-of-many-fancy-apps. It's all too easy, too at-the-fingertips. And if I docked my iPhone and turned on the music or put in the earbuds it would inevitably be interrupted by a text or a phone call or a Facebook update. Sometimes I feel like Pavlov's dog...I hear that little tinkling glass alert and I drop what I'm doing and go running to it to find out who texted me!

As a spiritual person rather than a religious one, I usually just give up giving up things for Lent for Lent (process that one! lol), but if I did decide to give anything up for Lent this year, it would probably be using my iPhone for frivolous reasons.

Let's be honest, that's so not going to happen. Texting is convenient and sometimes helpful and the map function has turned me into someone who can get anywhere at all, rather than someone is hopelessly directionally challenged and could get lost in a paper bag. But I am going to try very hard to disconnect myself from the whole technology thing a bit. It definitely runs my life way too much, and I need to be running my life.

This whole living-by-myself thing has proved to be a challenge for me. I really thought it would be endless fabulousness...and it's not. But that's reality. And I am coming to terms with the fact that all the technology and wine and feeling sorry for myself has just been a series of distractions designed to keep me from doing what I should have been doing these last several months: figuring out who I am, and learning to like her. I'm working on that. It's something I'm going to have to work on every day. Along the way, hopefully I'll learn to just be while I'm at it...